Tony deMello​

23.10.2014.

Bill,

I just want to say thank you for all the work that you have done to continue to bring your brother’s work to the world.

This last June my brother-in-law (my wife's brother) broke his neck in a diving accident. It has been a long, and will continue to be a long recovery for him. Through the process I have watched family members go through extremes of emotional pain and sorrow. 

For myself, who began reading the work of your brother in 2009, have found a tremendous peace. I find myself being very capable of helping my brother-in-law, as well as other family members deal with the difficulties that have presented themselves. I have been extremely effective in being a steady rock for my wife, my brother-in-law, his wife, and the rest of the family. In following your brother’s teachings I have discovered the deep seeded joy he discussed.

I have found that being a Christian is a completely different path than what I was raised in. Your brother’s discoveries and sharing of these discoveries have made my life deeper and more meaningful than i could have ever possibly imagined.

So yes I have received the copy of Swansong and have found it to be a delight! In fact, I will be ordering a second copy for my brother. He and I have shared many, many discussions about the work of Tony. My own feelings are that Tony was capable of reading and discovering for himself the Truth that so many mystics of the East and West have found. But he made it possible for me to discover them for myself by bringing them to the present day, and in the present vernacular, in the language that I can understand. 'Thank you' cannot begin to describe how much I appreciate what you have done to continue to make his work available for all of us. Please don’t stop!

A friend across the globe,

Dan

Add Date here22.10.2014

Dear Bill,

Thank you so much for your personal e-mail confirming my purchase.

What an honour it is for me to be writing directly to Fr Tony’s brother!! And what joy it is to see your efforts to keep his work alive and spread new material, hence my interest in Swansong.

I have bought all known published works by and about your brother and they are my most prized books (I even bought the same books twice because they had different titles for the US and the rest of the world, silly me).

I also enjoyed immensely your very well written biography Happy Wanderer. Thank you.

I do not wish to bore you with too long an e-mail but I’d like to tell you that I came across your brother’s life work through a reference in one of Wayne Dyer’s works. Wayne Dyer being impressed by a Jesuit? This I had to explore. I saw Fr Tony for the first time on YouTube and I was hooked for life. This man was special. He spoke in a way I had never heard before, and believe me here in Malta we are full of Catholic priests and churches - I myself was brought up in Catholic schools and come from a Catholic family. But no one spoke about religion, spirituality and the human condition like Fr Tony. He was a true mystic. He truly understood things that ordinary mortals find hard to grasp.

On a personal note, despite my years of listening to him, watching him on video (Awareness CDs, Rediscovery of Life, A Way to God for Today and Wake Up) and reading his works, and, perhaps unsurprisingly, continually finding new insights in what he says, I still haven’t tasted the anand that special persons like your brother derive from the unknowable. Perhaps my shell is particularly hard to crack or, as he says in one of his humorous asides, I like living in a cesspool, just don’t make waves please.

Please do continue shedding Fr Tony’s light on this troubled world with any new material you encounter.

With utmost respect and love to you and your family,

Franco,

Dear Bill,

I have finished reading Swansong.

Wow! For a man to expound his theories, off the cuff, for six straight days is really amazing.  To combine seriousness with humour is truly a gift,  The clarity of his descriptions of faith, true love, meditation and nature’s beauty is wonderful.

I don’t think I am intellectually qualified to pass an opinion on the seminar but it certainly is thought-provoking.

Some of the issues confused me – the main one being selfishness (page 18, para 3).  As a daughter, wife and mother, I could not turn my back upon people dependent on me.  My parents made sacrifices for me and I, in turn, looked after them in their latter years.  I am obliged to care for my husband;  why marry if you don’t want to accept obligations?  It was my duty to raise my children to respect others and  it would have been remiss of me not to teach them goods manners and to instil the fact that one must accept responsibility for one’s actions, with tantrums not being tolerated.   You raise a spoilt child and they become a burden to society, especially their teachers.  A spoilt, indulged child is an abomination to mankind!  (Not according to page 15).

You knew I’d pick up on these two points – didn’t you?

By the way, your introductery chapter was terrific.  Congratulations!

Love, Maxine 

Maxine,
Thank you for your candid review. 
 
The first point you have raised is on page 18, not 19-

Selfishness.
Tony is NOT telling us to shirk our obligations. What he is saying is, we are sometimes nice to people only when we think we can get something from them. I have to honestly admit that I have found myself in exactly this position- many a time. One example: My interaction with an official from whom I want an important document. He/she is the only one who can give me this document( a passport for example). See how nice I am when talking to this person? Now, if I didn't need anything from this very person in an ordinary circumstance, would I go out of my way to be nice to him/her? Probably not.
What Tony is saying, is that we often lose interest in people when we know we are not going to get anything from them. So, effectively he is not at all telling us to turn our backs on people, rather, to view them all as human beings and interact with them, with no expectations of getting anything from them. What you have done in your lifetime, caring for your family, is commendable. And having done so with no expectation of getting anything in return, makes this even more commendable. I don't believe Tony intended to lump everyone into one basket.
 
The second point you have raised: The spoilt child.
Not all parents raise their children as you have, Maxine. I have come across many a spoilt child. We as humans condemn and criticise these "brats" whereas it's the fault of their conditioning(probably parents) A spoilt child is  indeed an abomination to society;  but it's not the fault of that child. Don't blame the child, blame those who conditioned the child to indulge itself without  correcting it's bad behaviour. Every child is born innocent and pure. Adults then take control and either indulge the child or ill treat the child. This leads to big problems in the child's later life.
 
I would be delighted to answer any other points  you may discover. And no, I did not anticipate you bringing up these two points in particular. What I did anticipate was a very candid and sincere review from you and I have to say, you lived up to my expectations!

Hi Bill,

 The Happy Wanderer  entered my house today!

The packing was superb, including a plastic wrapping, probably to avoid possible wet weather.

As soon as I opened the packet, I started to read randomly, which is what I usually do when receiving much-awaited material. I did not stop for about nearly an hour !

I will make proper time to read it from cover to cover patiently.

It is very engrossing material indeed. I felt that you've done a brilliant job of such a difficult task, especially given that Tony left home when you were just three, and so personal contact with him was minimal.

Swansong also is very inspiring. I take it to be meditation reference material. Both books sit on our kitchen table for regular reading. 

Thanks once again, and hope to catch up with you sometime.

John.

Robert,
Thanks for your reply and support for the cause I have ventured into.
Thank you also for sending me the Sadhana review. I have read this one sometime ago and even though I wanted to post a review of my own, I never got down to it. Maybe I will do so in the next couple of days.
In the meantime, I have copied and posted part of our correspondence on the website in the "comments "section and I aim to do the same with this reply to you. I trust you will not mind me doing so? If you do, I can ask my web designer to remove it.
 
Sadhana: In reply to that review, Tony NEVER regretted anything he did. I did not know my own brother as well as many other people, particularly those quoted in We Heard The bird Sing. The reasons for this is explained in The Happy Wanderer. I started reading his works and books in earnest around 2010, when I decided to write his biography.
Tony I know, was notorious for "Shocking "people. He would sometimes come up with the most outrageous things just to shock people who thought he was a saint.
 
The person who is quoted as saying that Tony regretted writing Sadhana was probably a devotee who had not realised that Tony had moved on and changed. He was moving forward in his spirituality and thinking whereas the person who made that comment was probably still stuck with Sadhana the book. So, understandably, Tony, in order to get this person out of the Sadhana cocoon, coined that comment saying that he 'regretted' ever having written and published it.
You will read in Swansong, his last seminar, where he says meditations such as breathing(Vipassana) are good to quieten the mind. But this is not enough. One needs to go further and deeper into oneself to understand reality.
 
As for Tony's self realisation, well its widely discussed in Awareness, the book(and audio, available on his website) and in the video conference Wake up to Spirituality AND Swansong. 
 
 The Way to Love Image/Doubleday the US version of  Call to Love-Gujarat Sahitya Prakash, India is a book that was published from notes found in Tony's room after his death. The meditations therein, were all used by Tony when he gave his retreats in first, De Nobli college Poona and later in Lonavala in the Sadhana institute he founded. In my humble opinion, this is the BEST of Tony!!! I use this book very often with great success in my personal life.
Thanks again and warm regards,
Bill.

Review: Sadhana.

Written before his Self-Realization!, July 22, 2003

By A Customer

This review is from: Sadhana, a Way to God: Christian Exercises in Eastern Form (Paperback)

NOT recommendable!!! Reason: Anthony De Mello 'himself' didn't recommend this book!

You can read his own words concerning this book in "We heard the bird sing", a compilation of memories from people who knew him personally and studied under his personal guidance. I found this book in India. There he "regrets" to have written the book: "Sadhana:

A Way to God". It was his first book but at that time he doesn't 'really' reached God-Realization. His ego 'thought' he reached it. His regret was enormous because at that time this one was his bestselled book throughout the world.

The book he himself recommended the most was "The Song of the Bird". He called it his "most dangerous" book, a book full of heart-enlightening stories from all spiritual traditions.

 Another book of De Mello 'I' highly recommend for earnest seekers is "The Way to Love". I love this book!!!  "The Way to Love" is also a compilation 'after his death' but these words are truly from the awakened Anthony De Mello.

"Awareness" is also 'authentic stuff'!

Bill,

 I just discovered both of your books, THE HAPPY WONDERER and SWANSONG.

THE HAPPY WONDERER is on Amazon and I am going to order it from them.

SWANSONG is not on Amazon.  When do you plan to have it listed on Amazon? 

It is just easier for me to order these books on Amazon since I already have an account with them. 

I see you offer SWANSON with payment through PayPal but I would prefer to order through Amazon it possible.

I started reading Tony's books in 2003 and have most of his books and books about him.  I am looking forward to reading these

two books.  Thank you for making them available.

Hello Robert,
Thank you for your email.
The Happy Wanderer you have ordered from Amazon, is published by an American publisher- Orbis Books.
Prior to giving them the publishing rights for world distribution(except S. Asia) I had the book published and launched by Tony's official publisher in India, Gujarat Sahitya Prakash. The Indian publication is a hard cover version of what Orbis have published in paperback. 
Swansong has also been published by GSP in India and I have not as yet gotten into putting it on Amazon. In due course, I will look into self publishing( see conditions further down) this through Amazon/Create Space. But for the moment, I am making it available through the website. I will consider Amazon/Create Space at a later date. Please indulge me by reading further.
 
My intention is to(after expenses and tax) donate all proceeds from the sale of this book to UNICEF and Jesuit Mission in Tony's name.
So with Swansong, I decided to fund the publication myself. In other words, I own the copies of this book. When GSP sell it in India, they give me 80 % of the proceeds(which will fund the religious sisters who run a leper clinic in Gujarat) and keep 20 % for themselves for marketing and distribution. I think that's a fair deal. 
 
If more people like you  order copies through the website, I can reimburse GSP for the printing and whatever profit is left after tax goes to the two charities I have mentioned above, with instructions that the funds be used for the betterment of underprivileged children. 
So Robert, please reconsider and purchase a copy of Swansong through the website and encourage like minded friends and relatives to do likewise. PayPal is secure and is working well  for me and all who have thus far ordered one or both books.
A question: I notice Dr. Robert Buck Goyer. What branch of medical science are you involved in?
Thank you again for your interest and patience in reading my somewhat long winded reply. Sorry but I felt the need to explain.
By the way, if you are on Facebook, please visit and like Anthony deMello Call to Love page.
With very warm regards,
Bill.

Bill,

   Thank you for your kind and helpful email response.

   After reading your email, I will order both books from the website and pay for it on PayPal.  I will order them in about three week--I will be out-of-town before then.

   What did Orbis leave out of THE HAPPY WONDERER?

   I am not a medical doctor.  My doctorate is in religion--I am a retired United Methodist minister.  I have been a contemplative for almost 25 years.  I have read widely in most religious traditions, but find THE CLOUD OF UNKNOWING (I understand this was one of Tony's favorite books?) and Tony's writings some of the best material found in all the religious traditions addressing Unknowing, Non-dualism, Surrender, Oneness, etc.  Your brother's material is very clear and understandable for me.  And I like the way he found this way with Christianity.

  I found this review on Amazon.  Do you agree or disagree with it?  I included it at the end of this email, below my name and address. What about Tony's "Self-Realization?"  Did he write about it?  What books reflect this?

  Again, thank you for your time and help.

Bill,

I can't tell how much your brother has influenced my life in a positive and continues to do so each and everyday I am here on this earth.  Its been life changing for me. I am Catholic and I believe in God, Jesus, Holy Spirit and Mary. I believe they have helped me throughout life and shaped the person I am today. I really think they lead me to Anthony De Mello whose message comes from them. About 4 years ago a friend in my office told me about this guy Anthony De Mello. I read awakenings and loved it. But for 2 years it didn't really sink in. Then I started facing some of the problems in my life that i had avoided and things got pretty bad lets just say. One night I was in Florida on vacation with my family, coudln't sleep and things just weren't going well. I got up and decided to look up Tony and see if there was anything else I could find. Well i found the you tube video's. I had tears in my eyes because his message was what i've been looking for my whole life. Some things I knew in my heart but was unable to put into words and many other things I've come to understand and realize since i've listened to him.  I really feel that God lead me to him. Tony helped me understand what God's been trying to tell me and understand.  I've since listened to all of the youtube video's, read Awareness, Heart of the enlightened and I am currently reading Wellsprings. I honestly feel that Awarenss is the best book i've ever read and keep telling people I know that it will change their life. I'm so glad you put up the biography of Tony. It has helped me understand your family even more.  I feel that I can realate to him through your words and the pictures because it provides a clearer understanding of his life. I am interested in many subjects in life: tennis, golf, football, basketball, religion, learning spanish, planetary history, natural climate change, politics...but no subject has given me the enjoyment that the subject of happiness has provided. I am a partner in a family owned independent insurance agency in Cleveland, Ohio but I feel as though its has become my life calling to provide insight to happiness that Tony did for me. I mean what else could be as important as your relationship with God, loving yourself and your family,my dog Duke in my case, truly enjoying each day and helping others enjoy each day. I really hope you respond to my email. Is there some advice you could offer as to how I could start helping others find real happiness in their lives? By going to retreat's? Where could I go? Is there anything else I could do?

 Thanks so much Bill,

Jed

Dear Bill,

So wonderful to hear from you! I just now finished reading the updated version of your biography of Tony, The Happy Wanderer and found it to be marvellous. Each detail is cherished and, much like the collections of stories Tony put together, left me wanting just one more. Thank you for thinking of me and sending it along. I appreciate this very much.

Your email gives me a chance to clarify something I think was misunderstood by you in my first email. When I wrote, "How could Tony not love you?" I was not reading anything into your relationship with your brother but making an observation about you. Your humility is refreshing and endearing. What I meant was that you seem to be an altogether loveable person whom I'm very certain was treasured deeply by your brother. I chose a way of saying something that would make entertaining what I wrote nearly impossible to fathom. I feel bad that my words might have troubled your spirit and, knowing how precious was your relationship with your brother; do not want to be responsible for suggesting that there was anything but love which flowed between you both.

On another note, I so very much would have loved to engage Tony in a conversation about what prompted his transformation. I wonder if it happened in an instant or was it a gradual awakening. Do you know if he was always collecting and telling stories or did this begin during the time of his transformation? From what you've written in the biography, it seems he was just about thirty years old when you first began to notice the change in him which would have made you about 17. Is this time frame correct or were you both a bit older?

As the years went on, Tony and I drew closer. Believer and doubter formed a strange combination, but Tony made it work.

The grace of God (or something!) guided him. From being blood brothers we were becoming brothers in spirit also.

As I read these lines, I am struck with the thought that for Tony it was effortless because he knew you were alright. He had no fear for your soul as one of the keepers of the flock because he knew there is nothing to be fearful of. He loved you and accepted you right where you were, trusting that you did not need fixing. When one encounters the God of Love, everything falls away as chaff from the wheat. You, me, Tony, none of us has to do anything but become aware of this all embracing love that permeates every atom of creation. How awesome for you to be loved by your brother in such a way as to allow you to be who you are and not needing to change one jot or tittle about yourself...like the way God loves us : )

One more question, Bill, if I may. During his Awareness Retreat, Tony mentions that there are only two books that he would ever recommend and he only names one, Summerhill by A. S. Neill. Do you know, by chance, the title of the other book Tony had in mind? I suspect these two works were seminal in the initiation of his transformation and he shares them trusting they might be as enlightening for others as they were for him.

Thank you again for reconnecting with me. I feel like I am able to call you my friend and hope you will do me the honour of returning the favour. Wherever you are, whatever work you are doing, trust that it is enough.

With gratitude for your friendship,

Cindy

Hello Bill ~

Thank you so much for writing your 'big' brother's biography. Let me first say how sorry I am for your loss...Tony was so young, vibrant and healthy. A shocking loss to say the least.

I just learned of Tony less than 2 weeks ago from my chiropractor...he and I speak the same language, if you know what I mean.

Well, I came home that day and went right to 'Utube' and looked up Anthony deMello...and have been listening to his talks over and over and over again. I also purchased the book: "Awareness".

You see I go to a weekly book study (which I have missed a lot lately) and we speak very much like Tony. Not the catholic part BUT all the other 'stuff'. Interestingly our 'leader' WAS a Jesuit Priest many years ago but decided to leave. He now spends his evenings (after working as a theology professor during the day) and holds study classes on 'spiritual enlightenment' all over the area...even out of state.

Since having to miss many of Vince's classes lately I was hungry for 'spiritual feeding' and that is just what I got from your brother's talks.

It's so freeing to be on this kind of spiritual journey...believe what one chooses and most of all ~ choose LOVE. This is how I have chosen to live for many years and what a blessing it is. I can love anyone and everyone with truly unconditional love and non-judgement as I know most people are asleep...unaware.

I feel blessed to have been introduced to your brother. I have been telling everyone I know about him. It simply makes life so much easier to see things this way.

Thank you again for writing about Tony so others can learn more about him from family.

From My Heart ~ Jillian

Dear Bill,
Your brother Tony has had an impact on me that is indescribable.
The past 2 years I have spent hundreds of hours studying his works and thousands of hours going out and trying the exercises he points to.
Awareness, Awareness, Awareness! My son Matthew, age 24 and one of my daughters Emily, age 26 have been having conversations about Tony's work over the past 2 years as well and have brought it into the work we do with individuals, families and businesses in assisting them in "waking up". I was just reading what you wrote about your brother and touched the screen on my iPhone inadvertently and your email came up and I saw it as a gift to say hello and Thank You!

Dear Mr de Mello,

I apologize for contacting you out of the blue, but I felt I needed to write this. As your brother says in one of his great works, to truly know someone is to be changed by knowing that person. I couldn't have known your brother (I was born in 1983) but he has had tremendous influence on my life. I'm well aware there are people that misunderstood him (and still do, I cannot even say I fully understand him), that would say he's writings may cause harm to some Catholics. That being said, he is the one I owe my return to the Church after years of searching, and that is the debt I will never be able to repay. At any given time there there's one of his books on my desk, it is something I always return to, and always have something new to learn from.

I still haven't read the biography you have written, but I'm most certainly looking forward to reading it. Don't know why exactly but I would be honored if you would accept a facebook friends request , and I hope you wouldn't mind receiving a question or two from time to time from this Croatian guy that somehow your brother got to.

Kind regards,

I am from Novi Sad, which is a small city ( 300.000 inhabitants or so ) in Serbia, Europe. I am 34, and I have discovered Anthony's book 'Awareness' as a pretty young child, I was maybe 14-15, and it struck me immediately. Later it really helped me big deal staying sane when we were bombed back in 1999, it was a great help knowing how to look at things, and how to act more and react less, as Anthony would say :) So, as were many other people, I was really blessed to find his words, and I was double blessed to find them at a young age.

Yes, this is a lovely photo of Anthony, he looks directly at us and the posture is great, it really looks good. If you can get it bigger that would be great, if not I could try with this one as well. It is a good quality photo so it might work, but it is always much better to have as big reference as one can get :)

I am very very happy about all of this, thank you very much,

Sincerely,

Vlada.

Dear Bill,

Thank you for helping to fill in some of the blanks of you brother's life. Like so many others who've come to love your brother, I feel inclined to call him, Tony, even though we've never met and though it might be considered too familiar by many standards. But his joy and radiant love pour through his workshops and my soul feels a deep affinity for his.

I appreciate your sharing of your story and interactions with him. You sound kind and humble. How could Tony not love you?! He has been, without a doubt, the most profound spiritual influence in my life and it began 25 years ago when I read, with great joy, The Song of the Bird for the first time. I felt like I was being blessed with each and every story. I know he believed his gift was arranging stories in such a way as they might impart an insight or awareness by a reader's coursing through them with an open mind and heart. But he was so much more than an arranger of stories. I felt as if I had found a home; a place to rest my dogma weary heart and soul. I can't express how liberating this book was to my searching spirit. He gave me permission to question everything and to trust that my questions were not a sign of my lack of faith but a letting go of so much that was truly bad theology and idols that needed smashing.

I've given his books as gifts and read and re-read and shared the stories he collected more times than I remember. I just completed viewing his workshop on Awareness on the web, I made a retreat in the comfort of my own home, and, although I've heard many of what he taught there before, I heard something that caused a great letting go in me this time around. I see more clearly and feel the capacity to forgive more freely and, most importantly, not to take myself and others so seriously. I had to say thank you and yes!

You are so right, he would not care that the sign marking his grave is no longer there. I think it more fitting to how he lived his life and sought to teach others. If anything, he might have gotten a chuckle out of an inscription something to the effect, "I'm and ass and you're and ass!" But if I were offering a sign post that pointed the way to how Tony lived it would be more to the effect...Blessed are those who are aware for to them has been given the ability to see clearly enough to really love.

With great joy and deep gratitude,

Cindy